so the boredom with depression is well passed, and i’ve had a 3 solid days of “better”. i believe i’m seeing clearer, and the cloud on my days ahead is mostly shifted. I think as soon as i realised this concept of emotional suicide, for the sake of Rebirth, and not an end for itself, i was able to truly let go.
when i did, i found that the fall was not so long after all, and the bottom-less pit i had craved to be sucked into, is a vortex of my own fears; and where’s there’s fear- there must also be courage- i am taking both in and out all together, and now here i am.. in what i believe is the next cycle of this phase- going underground.
but underground is not only a dark place, it is also peaceful, quiet, and contemplative. it’s a place where questions can be asked without distraction, and answers will be sought with no hesitation.
Am i pretending the depression is all together over? i’m not sure, but i don’t think so, not in full. but i know where i am, i’m starting to remember who i am, and generally…i just feel like i know.
so here’s to knowing, to the underground, and looking upwards to rebirth… (can i come back as an elephant?)