I was going through my poetry, (just now), to find something……. wow, this entry is boring as hell already. ok, let me try again.
clear that head, rest the heart, sit next to myself, and probe the questions boiling underneath the surface. –Why boiling fati? why the exaggeration? ok fine they’re more like simmering luke warm at out-in-the-sun-skin-temperature . better? sure ok.
seriously, she won’t let me think in a single flow without interruption…and now back to those questions…
I don’t know if they are exactly questions, so much as posed thoughts, resembling an intent for conclusion, but not quite or even about the answer to begin with. Can I say that it is a form of un-asking. Ideas sitting across me, changing their expressions and names, turning and twisting about- and sitting equally right across from them, I am sampling, taking a taste, assessing flavors. Not for the sake of a solution, but only to understand my own palette, its inclinations and emotionalisms. the only response coming from within seems to be a ‘hmmmmm’ here, or a ‘nod’ there. maybe a raise of the eyebrow, possibly a shrug, and of course that smile.
the smile is not my own, not of my psyche in the forefront. This smile belongs to a deeper self, a future self. She knows all, she knows better. she can see my destiny, and holds the book of my prophecies. She never tells me anything directly, like a man of infinite years whose only calling is to ascend to higher mountain peaks, she gestures in riddles. She hardly interjects in any internal dialogue, and only speaks when it is absolutely necessary, when silence is not the wiser (now how often is that?). I have met her a number of times in my writing, she uses the past to come to me in the future. like the opening up of the chest, like the clearing of the channels. not like a light bulb suddenly on, no, more like a slow and steady spread of understanding, a fairly offered acceptance: enlightenment. the knowing and the unknowing all in one.
she has nothing to do with the Fati speaking here today, and everything to do with her of course.
so what are these questions, these poses, these ideas being smiled at from way up there at the peak of the mountain?
funny fati. funny.
oh the usual, life, purpose, dreams, relationships, friendships, love. what does it mean to need a fresh start? what is it that has gone rotten, for freshness to be so needed? there is work, there is music, there are people who i ponder, and re-look at their presence and purpose in my life, the names sound something like mother, father, sister, brother, sister in law and her children, julian, G, reem, even fati, manaf of course, amel, yousifer, pati, fati again (coz there’s just way too much of her going around these days), boundas, sean kane, herman hesse perhaps, and maybe even albert Einstein.
see fati, you left all the theories, and focused on the other. what do you think that says?
– what are you the prophet of the obvious? shut up!
pffff…..it says maybe, that even if love will continue to bring me back home, it will never stop me from leaving time and again.
no poetry for the sharing today,
love from the underground