This is a fairly new setting. i’m in Saudi, relaxing in my friend’s apartment, the tv is on (tv as background is an attack on my senses, but i’m trying – no i turned it off). Tomorrow is my first day working in the KSA branch, i’ll be doing only Thursdays until end of June, and then starting Wed & Thurs- you know, giving myself time to build the routine…
a litte more than a-little-lost-for-words right now, as usual i start blank, and find myself somewhere. Though this evening i’m a tad stunted, for the difference maybe in ‘blogging-time’ and location?
thoughts passing through a revolving door ever turning, hoard in a traffic of ideas, questions, inclinations, blanks even waiting to be filled, memories of a conversation that never happened, etc.
my brain is an ever active machine, and i have a tendency to fuel it, sometimes even beyond capacity. It was an interesting discussion i had with my therapist just last week actually. I was talking about “the routine”; how i had been shifting, and redecorating the set up. It started with the weekly therapy, the dedicated blogging, even the genre of my reading, I got to the gym, and yoga, and now i’m working half the week in saudi. –
So among this, it was decided that in between saudi and bahrain, i could “generally” take the tuesday in between off (this is assuming of course i manage decent output for the two.) So then he asks me “What are you going to be doing with this extra time off”, my answers were obvious- i’ll catch up on some more reading. he shook his head. (now, my therapist rarely makes direct suggestions, in fact practically never; his interjections are generally in question). ok! so i continue, more writing– i do want to focus on the anecdotes. “nope” he says again! For the love of me, i was lost. hahahaha. what am i supposed to be doing then? he put forward, rather strongly, that i should take up more physical activity. but i am- 3 times a week. isn’t that enough? ……..
(now we finally get to where all this is going)
(and this is very much in my own words) Fatima, give your ‘mind’ a rest. for loving to learn something new, make it a physical activity, give your body a challenge this time around. the mind is overwhelmed, and it has spent so much time in absorbing, demanding, and taking on constant strain- that your “tolerance” to mental stimulation has taken to an unhealthy state- after that comes overdose, and we all know what that looks like ::::: you need killer to keep you interested, focused, at attention…..no wonder you’re so demotivated at work, no wonder it sickened you hollow. so yeah- at ease darling or as he put it “try for simplicity”.
anyway, i start inshalla a marshal arts class every sunday at 6:30am.
it comes as a realisation that i had been preparing well for rebirth, it feels like an honest fresh start. my Sophie told me she was very proud of me today, it humbled and heartened me to hear it. I received another compliment also on monday, on looking in ‘much beautiful spirit’. and as per my consideration into basics, I think that the physical activity is spot on. i sense that all the endorphins kicking in from workouts are now finding their way into a place where they can camp and stay. it feels right to be introduced to my body in new light, learn how to walk again, get a sense of my movement, where and how my body can extend itself- just as a child discovers to hold, and kick- i literally am doing the same! hahaha. that and the fact that i absolutely adore my personal trainer! i’ve decided he is my official birthday gift to myself for the year of 31. hahahahahahahahahaha, ( it’s in 2 days) so a gift i get all year long, twice a year! inshaAllah!! real killer challenge, i LOVE it. ok. ‘nough said on that, back to point. (do you always have to have a point?– no) anyway, here it is- the point: physical activity and the simple, are as ‘basics’ as it gets, and i love it!
in being ready to be happy, i have become happy. as simple as that.
(really fati, after that entire ordeal? LOL) HEY! it was hard wor- you shush!
Off now. get moving, stay healthy!