I think the way Love is defined and conducted is limiting, and defies the very nature of it. Today, we are expected to fall in love with one person, to dedicate our ‘unconditional’, dire, intense, burning, flames of emotions.. to just one person. This person is to also be recipient of our sexual interest and desires. These 2 concepts are fallacies as far as i’m concerned and absolutely ridiculous
We can and should be able to be in love with more than one person. wait wait… i’m going ahead of myself here… this has been in mind much lately, and i think i forgot that who ever is reading this, has not been hanging out in my mind… well, except for G. you’re always hanging out in my mind aren’t you, you nosy little…. haha. (sorry, side joke coz i know she’s reading)
A- Lets Define: What is it to be in love. I think, I feel, I experienced.. that to be in love is to be in a state of devotion to a person, for who they are and for who they make you be. To know, that in the deepest and farthest corners of my heart, where it is dark and hard to find your way, that this person will walk about like they’ve drawn out the map. That there is a castle in my heart, and they sit at the top of that tower. To be in love is to be enveloped, consumed even, by your affections for this person. where reason and logic, time spent together or away, differences or similarities, all these things irrelevant. you want to be a more beautiful more caring more considerate more kind more humble human because you want to deserve their affections. and even if their affections don’t make their way to you, in the same intensity or color, you will still love them the same way. you will still give without counting, keeping score.
B- There is a Difference between loving, and being in love: Now, there are people in my life who do not fit that description. while i do love them. friends and even perhaps semi-romantic relationships which do not fit my sensations of ‘in love’. actually no romantic relationship ever has. haha. (i say romantic here in the way it is defined by the 21st century assumption of relationships- dating, sexual attraction, jealousy). but i do love them for the time and space that brings them into my life.
C- What’s sex got to do with it: But then there is more than one human, more than one soul who I am deeply in love with. whose arms are home for me, like G. I am a straight woman, and G is a woman. but she’s my first love. she’s my first guard down, my first person I literally need her arms to feel safe, my first person that my emotions are the boss of me when it comes to. between us two, I always look like the stronger one, but only she knows how much i need her. and that is enough for us both. she used to be my metaphorical wife… i’ve had others since… lol.
D- My Poetry in love: then there is patrick, whose gay. so this also has nothing to do with sexual attraction or desire. but if I tell you that a year after he’s gone, I still cry like my heart has been ripped out of my chest just yesterday. in my veins i love him, in my own name i love him. even now I think I could cry just talking about him, how beautiful his voice is, how much i love his lips and his long blonde hair, his chuckle.. the sweetest sound ever. My muses, Pati and Julian.. and a new one joining them it seems… (but i’ll leave that for later) … how can I not be in love with them when they are fountains of poetry for me, when my soul erupts from their palms, and I become a river of humanity.
my list goes on, to some extent… and to each person I am in love with, they have come into my life and meant something to me that is uniquely theirs. Even my devotion and the way that I carry out this love, the way I show it, is different for each.
E- The Total Moral:
I think that to be “in – love”, is exactly reflective to “being – human”; where in is the being and love is human. Like we love the mountains and the oceans with the same intensity, but we love each differently. I think to be in love is a state of existence that we ought aspire to, and throw ourselves into with no restrain. dare to be in love with your best friend, and not just love them. because when I “love” then it is an action, one that I can take back, one specifically I can control… but when you are in love, it is a state of existence, it is not in your control, your logic and pride and calculations have no meaning (special that EGO), its all gibberish. There is not one castle in my heart, there are many. and to say that i can fit only one, is to say that I am limited, to say that I am poor. that my heart is small, and my will is weak.
Yes, this leaves me with a much higher probability of broken castles, my soul in despair… but hell, i’d take all that pain gladly, willingly, wanting-ly, for to be in love, is what makes me a human being.