Heading back to see my therapist this morning. I look forward to such visits. While conversation with dear and loving friends always (well mostly) has its own magic on the psyche, it must be said that a professional and what tools they have are necessary.
i’m not saying all therapist or psychiatrists or life coaches are great. in fact, I had to go see quite a few to find the one who fit right for me. Some are terrible, terrible, and God help their patients. anyway, besides the point. haha. (she does deter and babble much does she not?)
but then there is all types of therapy. There is the buying of new furniture for my new office from ikea, as I had done yester. and then putting it together to slowly see your space come to form, as a casual and natural extension of yourself. (the task of some handi-work itself is good therapy) then there is playing the guitar, and feeling my fingers getting numb and rough. its the way the strings respond to me, the vibrations of sound reverberate into my stomach and chest as i play, i feel the music kissing my mouth. i am, in the moment. there is waking up and realising that I have actually slept a whole night through (5 hours solid). and knowing because of it that I will be ok. feeling like my mind is starting to relax some, hell i even feel the chemical difference in my brain. (is that possible?) Therapy is many things, and I discover little by little everyday.
Though at some point I could have pointed a million things that are happiness to me. (including a box of pencils). today, it is a little harder for me simply as my better and clearer thoughts are locked away in a tower, and this girl can’t afford to wait for prince charming for the rescue. In fact it might be the wait that’s gotten her all crazy, right? lol. I gotta be my own prince, my own kinda charming. yep, as usual, fati to the rescue for fati. haha.
here’s the thing, you can go to doctors all you want, but unless you take initiative for your own happiness, no hours on the couch will do that for you. so what is happiness. for today, its simple really, happiness (and natural therapy- like playing the guitar) is when you are able to live in your moment, when you are right there with, wielding it in your hand and letting it kiss your lips.
perhaps mindfulness, is the key to cease pointless thinking-ness