Self importance or altruism?

time runs faster than my own thoughts sometimes.  which is crazy, because my mind is a professional runner.  the days take us as though we owe them mind body and soul, well… anyway, point being.. so many realisations dawn on me, except I have no time to put them in their correct box, and label them as needed… so what realisation am I getting at today…

why are we here is a question we ask ourselves whenever we have the luxury of asking.  as I said, the days and the time tucked in between and all around allows little for reflections and retrospections..

this question always presents itself to me with many answers, some at given moments come to me as much prominent than others, but they alternate always. so what are some of those answers.

i’m here for my passions.  the reason for me to live is to write poetry, to learn music, to teach to read to love the universe and to return always to the embrace of my mother nature.  it is for the green moments that after taking my breath away, they give me eternity in return.

but then I am also here because I feel like i’ve been placed on this earth at this given time to help the people who have crossed my path, as friends and loved ones.  I am more than often the ghost buster, the fireman, the marry poppins or nanny mcphee, a party of the avengers, a superhero.

while being a superhero is associated with glorification, I assure you it is not.  responsibility is the cost of strength, the price of what I am capable of doing for those around me.  it is no burden, it is a privilege.  “Fati is always there, and you can count on her blindly”.

sometimes I worry that these thoughts are narcissistic, and egotistical.  the world burdens are not shaped for my shoulders, and who am I to think i can put out every fire.  but somehow i’ve been assumed as a given helpline to so many around me.  I’ve taken flights and crossed distances, literally to hold someone’s hand.  i’ve put myself at risk of hurt at times, placing myself between someone, the rock and the blow.  why. because I can handle the pain. because i am strong enough for it, and so i will take it instead of you.

now that i’ve come to this realisation. I wonder what it makes me. i wonder if it is self importance, or sincere altruism. I really don’t know.

About fatimasque

living for artimaginationcuriousity
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